We know that grieving at Christmas can be difficult. It can be hard to know how you are going to feel on the day and hard to plan for how you might want to celebrate throughout the festive period… if at all.

With Christmas adverts on the TV and the crackers in the shops from the end of November, it can be hard to avoid navigating grief at Christmas.

Whilst many people use this time to come together with family and/or friends, to socialise and to spread festive cheer; perhaps you may not want to socialise and this time of year may be a reminder of what and who is missing from not just your Christmas, but also your life.

We have put together some ways to help you grieve at Christmas and get through the festive period.

Plans and activities

• Don’t feel pressured to stick to a plan. Supportive family and friends may think that making plans for you is helping – this could be true, however it might be helpful for you to have options to “opt” out of plans, depending how you are feeling on the day.
• If you have made the decision that you don’t want to celebrate Christmas in the way you normally would, that’s ok! Be clear in communicating this with family members and friends and let them know what works for you.
• Perhaps being busy and distracted is how you best handle your grief – giving yourself space in between those plans can be helpful too. You may not expect to respond how you do after getting together with family or friends where the absence of your loved one feels more obvious at Christmas time.
• Remember that sometimes the anticipation and build up can often be more difficult than the day itself – Christmas is just another day and you CAN get through it, the way you have got through every other day until now.

Decorations

• To some people, the way we decorate for Christmas relates to sentimental traditions and to others, it’s all about the colour scheme or getting in the festive spirit. You may find you don’t want to put the tree up this year, or decorate in any way – this is ok! Try not to put pressure on yourself to ensure your decorations are the same as previous years.
• Finding a way to decorate that feels right for you is important, perhaps this year a smaller tree feels more appropriate or a ready lit one which you don’t have to decorate.

Memories and traditions

Christmas traditions and memories of Christmas’s gone by can be really special, but for some it can be a painful reminder of what is now missing. Below is a list of new traditions and ways of remembering which may help you this Christmas.

• The simple act of lighting a candle can bring peace in remembering someone at Christmas time. It can also act as a reminder of lightness and dark times and the brighter days to come.
• Donating the cost of a present for your loved one to a charity of their choice can be an important way people grief at Christmas.
• Some people buy or make memorial baubles or decorations for the tree, these could include a name or message or simply something in their favourite colour.
• Visiting and/or decorating the grave or significant memorial place can help some – however for some it may be too painful, so do not feel any pressure to go if it doesn’t work for you.
• Getting out the person’s stocking, or even simply an envelope with their name on for loved ones to place precious memories or messages in.
• Making a paper chain full of names of loved ones, memories or messages can be a way of feeling connected in grief.
• You may want to set a place at the dinner table for the person who is not there or make a toast to them at the Christmas meal – for others a photo somewhere on Christmas morning is enough.

Remember, there is no right or wrong way to grieve – especially at Christmas. Try not to put the pressure on yourself to have a “perfect Christmas”, be open and honest with your loved ones about what you feel you need at this time and remember to take space to reflect and remember in a way that works for you.

Help and support this Christmas 

We would encourage you to talk to those who are ready to listen – that may be family or friends, perhaps others who are grieving or getting in touch with a helpline where trained professionals are ready to listen. Here’s some information of organisations who are here to help this Christmas and beyond.

Cruse Bereavement Support:

Cruse provide support via volunteers who are trained in all types of bereavement and can help you make sense of how you’re feeling right now. Covering England, Wales and Northern Ireland, Cruse have over 80 hubs offering support.

• Telephone: 0808 808 1677
• Email: helpline@cruse.org.uk
• Website: cruse.org.uk/get-support/

At a Loss: At a loss provides information and support for bereaved individuals whilst detailing support across the UK. With online counsellors you can chat to and online support groups, they can provide direct support and also signpost you to local services, searching  by location, age and type of bereavement and find the support that fits best for you.

• Telephone: 0800 448 0800
• Website: ataloss.org

National Bereavement Service:  Supporting people to manage the practicalities when dealing with a bereavement, including guidance on the legal aspects involved and signposting for emotional bereavement care and support.

• Telephone: 0800 0246 121
• Website: nbs.org

Samaritans

Trained and experienced volunteers are waiting to listen to callers talk about anything that is upsetting them, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

• Telephone: 116 123
• Email: jo@samaritans.org
• Website: samaritans.org